Back in the 80's, I guess, the R&B group Cameo, made a hit song entitled "Single Life" and when that song played, folks thought being single was the best thing since sliced bread. But it would seem that as you get older, the single life is not such a good look...to some that is. And my question is, Why is that? I mean, being single is not a disease, it is merely a "state of being". Now can't speak for all single people but I know some of yall have gotten, "the questions". And I often wonder if folks ever think before they speak. Because honestly, when someone asks, "Why aren't you married? What's wrong with you?" I really wonder what they expect the answer to be, "I'm crazy! That's what's wrong with me"...LOL! So let's break down the questions, Easterbaby style...
1) Why aren't you married? What's wrong with you? - Hmmmm, why does something have to be wrong with me? I mean, does being near sighted count as a "wrong"? I have bad sinuses, bad knees...is that a marriage deterrent? I don't know. It's funny because folks ask that question like you can go in the store and buy a marriage? "Excuse me, can I get one marriage and a side of committment, please?" I guess if it were that easy we'd all be married. And honestly, as many divorces there are today, maybe the question should be "Why are you married? What's wrong with you?" If I weren't a Christ follower, I'd probably think, "Clearly, marriage sucks!" based on what I've witnessed. But when God said Let two become one, He knew what He was doing and I believe marriage done right, as in God's way, is a beautiful thing! So let's clear it up, I'm not married but I believe in marriage. Let's move on...
2) Why aren't you married? You must be picky! - Now is it picky or practical? I don't think no one is looking for Mr. or Ms. Perfect. I know there's no Mr. Perfect but I believe there's Mr. Perfect...for me! I have flaws (yea, I know yall are shocked but it's true) and he'll have flaws. But we'll be a perfect match, flaws and all! Now Imma keep it real, ax murderers, pedophiles, cross dressers need not apply. Not picky just practical! If I'm saying "I love Jesus!" and he's saying "I love the devil!" It ain't gonna work. If I'm saying "Crack is whack!" and he's starring in "Crackheads Gone Wild", it ain't gonna work. (btw - there is a video called "Crackheads Gone Wild!") I know I'm being extreme but what am I saying, you have to be "equally yoked". That's not only practical but spiritual! Finally, I imagine should I decide to marry Mr. "Any Ol' Body" with dead bodies in the basement, the same folks saying, you must be picky, would be saying, "why in the world did Sherry marry him? Guess since she's getting older, she decided to "settle"...LOL! And since I can't win in man's eyes, I'll simply trust God. :)
3) Why aren't you married? Aren't you unhappy & lonely? - Is that right? Lonely? Unhappy? Being married makes you less lonely and happy? Let's ask all those folks headed to divorce court trying to become single. I've seen Judge Mabeline and the folks on there don't look happy to me! (most look like stars in Crackheads Gone Wild but that's not the point). Thing is, happiness isn't found in marriage and it isn't found in singleness. I think we are happy when we can find contentment in whatever state we are in. Paul says in Phil. 4:11-13 (NIV),
11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.
Or in the words of my favorite hymn, "Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, It is well, It is well with my soul!" Bottomline, life is short. So do you spend your life unhappy about something that may not happen. Not everyone is meant to be married, so should that person live in a state of depression? What if they live to be 102 1/2,? That's a long time to be unhappy! :) No I say, live life, enjoy life until God says different. Besides most folks who ask this are unhappy people and wonder how come you're not unhappy too! So Sherry, you're saying you're always happy and content? Of course not, I have flaws, remember? But what did Paul say, "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Thus, with His help, I can push what I think I want aside and learn to live in contentment in every situation! That's happiness! :)
4) Why aren't you married? Why don't you have kids? - Actually sometimes, folks ask about the kids before finding out if you're married Sign of the times, I suppose. But this kid question is another one of those questions asked as if you can go purchase kids at Wal-Mart. "Price check on Little Leroy, Line 12!" Just to be clear, #1, having children is a lifetime commitment and responsibility. Not a whimsical department store purchase. #2, and I can only speak for Sherry, first the marriage then the kids. No marriage, no kids. But Sherry, what about your "clock"? Oh yeah, that...the biological clock. Well, if I weren't a Christ follower, I'd say, you're right, times almost up! However, my bible tells me, nothing, NO THING is impossible for God! So if it's His Will for me to have one child (cool!), twins (whatcha doin' Lord?), or triplets (Why Lord Why?!?!) at the age of 55 (Dear Lord, You don't really have do that, I'm just speaking hypothetically for illustration, you know how I do!), then His Will shall be done!
The bottomline is, It is what It is. Life, whatever your state (married, single, divorced or my fav. "it's complicated"), comes with up and downs! You have to learn to deal with it and keep it moving. Well, sorry I don't appear to be the sad, messed up, pitiful single soul, folks want me to be. But I gotta do me until God says different. In the meantime, I'm living the SINGLE, SINGLE, SINGLE...LIFE!!! :)
*This is dedicated to all the single people, who love God, love themselves, and love life in spite of!!!*
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“In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question "What kind of man are you looking for?" She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking “Do you really want to know?" Reluctantly, he said "Yes."
She began to expound...
"As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man...or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, "What can you bring to the table?"
The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money. "I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life."
He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.
She said "I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man.
I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked... believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster. And even if he is a believer; he needs to believe as I do.
I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don't need a financial burden.
I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, and strong enough to keep me grounded when I do go through changes. I don't need a man who is going to purposely bring me grief.
I am looking for someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him and he must respect me.
I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business or who is "messy" in his personal affairs. I have no problem being submissive...but he has to be worthy.
God made woman to be a help mate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself. If he can't help himself then he definitely can't help me.
When she finished her spiel, she looked at him.
He sat there with a puzzled look on his face.
He said," You are asking a lot."
She replied, "I'm worth a lot."
--Author Unknown